Marriage is hard work; even the happiest couples face bumps along the way.
For those who ultimately decide that splitting up is the healthier alternative, the realization can come in a variety of ways. For some, it's a lightbulb moment when everything clicks in a second, while others need to think over the decision for much longer.
So when Redditor u/Slayer_of_Gingers asked men, "What moment with your former wife made me think 'Yup, I'm asking this girl to divorce me?'" they got plenty of different answers, providing interesting insights into navigating a romantic relationship.
#1When she said, "You didn't pray hard enough and that's why our son has cancer. That's why I'm sleeping with my prayer partner."
Image credits: CarterLawler
#2I was on deployment and she yelled at me for interrupting her family's celebration when I called on Christmas.
Image credits: mwr885
#3When she decided our dog was annoying her and sold him on Craigslist (which she then used the money to buy herself a non refundable purse) instead of making any mention of her feelings so we could come up with a solution.
Image credits: DevlinInMrsJonez
#4I used to love to do chores for her because she loved being taken care of. When she stopped noticing, it started hurting. Then one day I made a bench for our entryway out of barnwood. Took about 40 hours of work. She walked in the house after work that day and sat her purse on it and proceeded to start the fight where she told me that she was mad she got married to me. She stormed out of the house grabbing her purse. Never noticed the bench was there. I knew then but I think she already knew.
Image credits: pcade11
#5She had lost her job, again, after quitting a decent one because she didn't get along with her boss. Anyways, a few months go by and I'm doing everything. Cooking, laundry, dishes, yard work, etc. I'd ask the kids what does mom do all day and they said she plays on the computer all day. So the final straw came when i came home from work and had to wash dishes so i could make dinner. Dinner is made so i tell family it's ready. She comes to get a plate and serves herself first instead of our youngest child who was four at the time and couldn't serve himself. As i watched this unfold it dawned on me. If I'm going to do all the work i might as well do it by myself or find a partner to share the load with because she clearly didn't want to be on my team.
Image credits: PsychoticMessiah
#6When we went on a family vacation and I hoped she'd sleep the entire time so I could have fun with our son.
Image credits: wiskrbiskt
#7Me and my ex were always having ups and downs. Cutting up my clothes when I was out with friends, cutting my hair when I was asleep, random violence and screaming fits... the usual...
We did the normal things couples were supposed to do and it seemed to prolong the episode for a time.
We bought a house for example.
Well, after we had the house the next thing we needed was a cat.
She loved it very much when it was a kitten but as it grew up it became more independent (it's a cat duh!) and she couldn't take this and became aggressive towards it.
I remember walking in one day and she picked up the cat and threw it up in the air, it bounced off of the ceiling and then I threw her a*s out of the house bouncing her sh*t of the curb.
I still have the cat.
#8When I, as the only earner in the house, was denied buying a new pair of work boots- in december- because she needed the money to "buy vaccines for the puppies".
She bred dogs as a hobby, I was a framing carpenter in Ohio. My current work boots were toast- holes in both, no soles. I needed them. Her "puppy vaccine" story was bullsh*t- her hobby was dogs, but she was a pro at popping pills. Thats what she needed the money for.
I was done with her by March.
Image credits: bigterry
#9Her: "I can't live in this house anymore. It's not in a major city."
Me: "We're less than an hour away from one. Also, I inherited this house. It costs me nothing but upkeep. Also, I pay every bill. You work 6 hours a week and have 1 class. Where do you get off demanding anything?"
Her: "Buy me a new house or we're done."
Me: "Get the f*ck out of my house."
Image credits: NightEmber79
#10When she staged a robbery of our house so she could pawn all of my sh*t for drug money.
Image credits: Carpe_cerevisiae
#11She let me know she was pregnant and wanted my permission to tell all her girlfriends during a girls' night out.
Since I knew there was no possible way it was my child, she was also unknowingly admitting to having an affair. (I can math, and she can't). It was with her boss.
Lawyered up the next day, and he ate her alive in court. I got primary custody of our child we already had, and child support, and a sheriff's notice that she had to vacate my home in 30 days.
I never knew she could be that stupid.
Image credits: yourbrotherrex
#12When my 2 year old was learning to talk he would consistently say another blokes name. Apparently he was there the moment i left for work till when i got home. Single Dad for 5 years with primary custody now.
#13Besides the narcissism, random violence and violent outbursts, it was her strange punishments. Her last one doomed her. My crime? I forgot milk on the way home from work so she didn't talk to me, not one word, for a week. PURE BLISS, for a week. When she asked if I was ready to apologize I handed her the divorce papers. "Why?" "Because you rob me of solitude but provide me with no companionship."
Image credits: henrysmyagent
#14During the last year and a half of our marriage she became extremely psychologically abusive. She was a narcissist, controlled my every move, would isolate me, refused physical contact, I was just an extension to her life, was not allowed to talk to any female, was not allowed to hang out with any friends or she would ignore me for up to 5 days at a time, double standards everywhere, verbal abuse and the list can continue but it hurts to think about. The last straw for me was when she threatened to kill me because I came home from work late even though she knew I would be home late. It was just a little too late for her and she also threatened to hit me the same day. This was the second time this happened and I talked with several people at work about it and they suggested that I run. I had texts of the threats on my phone and contacted a lawyer that same week. She agreed to sign since I told her I would take severe legal action if she didn't. Thankfully no children and it was a clean divorce and I'm happily divorced.
Image credits: RandyJ549
#15When she falsely told our marriage counselor that I punched her.
The next week, she denied saying it and accused our counselor of lying. He gave me a "You should leave this relationship" look. I took that look as permission from a professional that I definitely wasn't making the wrong decision. Got divorced and never looked back.
I legitimately feared for my safety towards the end --- not that she would hurt me, but that she would make a false accusation to the cops or a crazy friend.
Image credits: tomatuvm
#16When I came to the sad realization that we were just good roommates and had been like that for years.
We have been divorced for almost 10 years and she is one of my favorite people in the world, we just weren't supposed to be married.
Image credits: ballplayer0025
#17Wife asked me to defrost the freezer because of ice build-up.
I said OK, was on it immediately...Turned on the kettle and filled a few pots with near boiling water and placed them inside.
She was too impatient - pushed me aside and then proceeded to grab the longest, sharpest knife from the drawer and starts chipping at the ice in the freezer. 30 seconds later "hissssssss" sounds coming from the freezer as all the freon escapes.
Made ME buy a new freezer because I "made her nervous by taking so long and that is why she punctured the freezer".
This woman was impatient about everything and her impatience RUINED EVERYTHING.
Image credits: WaWa2017
#18In marriage counseling:
Me: I love you.
Ex: I settled on you.
Image credits: lucideus
#19We flew across the country for her sister's wedding. She didn't say a word to me the entire time since we had parked at the airport. Once we landed at our destination, we walked to baggage claim (absolute silence preceding for several hours now). At the carousel, I picked up her bag when she took it out of my hand and calmly stated, "None of my family knows you're here--I told them I came alone." She walked out of the airport and left me there.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder made for some really fun scenarios.
#20We were already not speaking.
It was Thanksgiving. I knew she wasn't going to bother, but I made a turkey and whatever goes with turkey for my then eight year old daughter.
I had the turkey out on the counter to rest after roasting.
My beloved bride walked in, calmly threw the turkey in the kitchen trash can, and walked out.
I had to take my kid to f*cking golden corral for Thanksgiving.
That was it. I was done.
#21We met and spent the first seven years of our married life on the West Coast, then moved East. Five years later, I took a job back on the West Coast, but it was the middle of the school year, so I went out ahead and lived on my own until everyone could join me.
Things hadn't been very good between us for a while, but I hadn't articulated it to her—or even myself—beyond vague feelings of dissatisfaction.
One weekend, out there on my own, I decided to take a day and drive to one of my favorite towns, a town in which I had lived long before I knew her, a town we had visited often while married. It was late afternoon was about to head back to my hotel when I realized that I could visit a particular beach that had special meaning to me from my earlier life there.
I stopped at a convenience store, grabbed a Grolsch like I used to drink on that beach, and drove out there. Hiked out to a specific spot I remembered, sat down, popped the beer, and looked out over the ocean. And it hit me that I hadn't done that in over 20 years. Whenever we'd visit the area, I'd suggest stopping at the beach, but she wasn't interested and would always veto the idea.
I'm sure reading this it seems like the tiniest thing, but it was the catalyst for me realizing just how completely dissatisfied I was with our relationship. I think from the time I sat down, I knew it was over within maybe 10 minutes. Just sitting there, sipping my beer, looking at the ocean.
Image credits: synchronicityii
#22My wife was around less & less...had to be free to live her life, go out with her friends. More often than not she would call me to pick our daughter up from daycare, after promising to pick her up & have some girl time.....just tell her I'm working late or not feeling well. She always had something better to do & the kids were old enough to know better. I went to pick our daughter up one day, when they called her name she came running over until she saw it wasn't mom, again, slumped her shoulders & slowly walked over to ask "what's her excuse this time?" That was the breaking point, told her to get out, even helped pay her security deposit to get her out.
Image credits: CheesyNate
#23When she presented a picture of our four-year-old daughter and me laying next to each other on the couch watching Blues Clues to our marriage counselor as evidence of my "inappropriate conduct" around our kids.
Thank God he saw right through that bullsh*t immediately and told her to knock it off.
Image credits: beaton_boatsagainst
#24When the cops showed up and arrested me while I was washing dishes. Found out after being taken to the station that she had claimed that I had been beating on her and my five year old son. Was acquitted in court a month or so later. The situation was so messed up that the cops actually testified on my behalf.
Image credits: lesters_sock_puppet
#25Not me, but one of my best friends(got his permission to post). He got a pretty substantial year end bonus from work. He decided to use most of it for his wife's Christmas gift and pay off her remaining student loans (~$14,700) and the remaining portion to buy a new computer chair for when he gamed (~$300).
Christmas morning (he was nice enough to let me stay at his place when I traveled for work as he lived 20 minutes from the airport) we all woke up, and had breakfast. His family and her parents came over and we started exchanging gifts.
Besides paying off her loans, he had gotten her a few times items. She opened the card saying her loans were paid off she just sat there for a minute. After the silence, and assuming she was kinda in shock, she asked "did you seriously not get me anything else? I bought you that stupid keyboard (the wrong one btw) and you only got me a few things?"
At that point, his brother in law and myself decided to go hang out in another room for a while they ended up getting into a huge fight. A day later when he was dropping me off at the airport he told me that he was going to visit a lawyer and get a divorce.
#26My son was watching Netflix on her phone with me and her boyfriend text her. It was 12 at night and he said he missed her and couldn't wait to see her again ( typical, I know). I confronted her and she denied and said that her friends daughter was texting my son. My son is 3, the daughter in question was two and barely speaking. Yea. That was time to go
#27When a friend's wife said to me "You know your wife is sleeping with my husband."
#28Wasn't married but about 1 month away from marrying. We worked together at the same job for about a year but she was first shift and I was second. We both had weekends off so we could and did things on the weekend. We had got everything paid for and were set. One weekend, actually on my birthday, i went to get a haircut before we went out for the night. I weirdly noticed this one car in the parking lot of our apartments. Didn't think to much as there was a sh*t ton of cars that would come and go. She had gone up to a casino with her mom the previous night and stayed overnight. That wasn't uncommon as they were both huge gamblers. I got back and did some cleaning and she walked in. She looked at me and throw her ring on the table and said, "We need to talk. I think I like "Joe" more now and decided I want to be with him. I don't need the ring and you can cancel the wedding." It all clicked that car I seen was "Joes". She didn't go up to the casino with her mom but with "Joe" instead. Even more f*cked up is I called her mom to see how close they were to home and she covered for her daughter. I then come to find out her friend "Joe" was a ex lover who also broke up her last engagement. He was always trying to befriend me too and act like we were best friends. I have never felt less of a man, more ashamed and hurt then when this happened. I sacrificed a lot for her. I was there doing anything and everything for her and her family when her dad very slowly passed away. And she ends up treating me like a pet she could get rid of when she got bored. I still can't remember a few months of time after that happened. I was in a bad place.
#29Our daughter at 3 years old told us to stop yelling.
#30I was working on a mother daughter scrapbook as a Christmas present for her. Was going through her Google photos account looking for pics of them together. Came across a selfie she took with some dude laying on her. Confirmed her second affair. Knew it was over the moment I saw it. That has f*cked me up pretty good.
#31She said these words, "You need to take a shower before you get into bed, you've been playing basketball with all those black guys."
She was always mean to waitresses, flight attendants, maids, thinking she was better than them. Now black people? F*ck that. Im out.
#32We were at Wendy's with our three kids. My intestines, for whatever reason, were ready to purge. I said I was going to the bathroom with urgency and she insisted, despite my protests of urgency, that I take one of the three kids with me to the bathroom because she didn't want to sit with all three. I held my 3-year old in my arms while my bowels exploded. And I realized then that it was over.
#33When she mocked me about being sexually abused when I was 5, yet, I'm still here like the f*cking idiot I am.
#34I always refused to raise my voice during arguments, which usually made her crazier and scream louder. After one such argument, during which our 3 year old daughter was playing upstairs, she started coming down at the same time her mother was storming up the stairs like a child of comparable age. Our daughter was in the way and her mother got in her face and screamed "GOD, I F*CKING HATE YOU, MOVE!"
Of course, my daughter came to me, hurt. That was the moment I decided it was over.
#35My wife at the time told me that she had called a local radio station which often discusses hardships that military families go through and sometimes gives away $1,000 to a family in need of help. She said that she informed the radio station of my deployment and how I didn't come back the same, and she told them about our daughter (2 months premature and only 8 months old at the time) who had numerous health problems. My wife explained to me that the radio station hadn't given away the $1,000 in quite a few weeks so they were going to give us $10,000 for her telling such a heartfelt story. She called me while I was at work to tell me what had happened and I was really excited...asked my SNCOIC to help me draw up a savings plan and figure out which debts should be paid off first, etc. Things were looking up.
I get home that night and rather than being greeting with an enthusiastic hug, she points to the loft and mouths "not now, I'm on the phone." so I go upstairs and wait for her to finish. While I was waiting I could hear her saying things like "yeah I can get those papers to you" and "no problem, I can have that ready by tomorrow." Hmm. Maybe they need identification and proof of my deployment or something, whatever.
Fast forward to later that night and like usual I'm having trouble sleeping. I decide to get on the computer and listen to the podcast from the radio show. After a few searches I find it and start listening to it. This is where my blood starts to boil. She told the DJs that she was a single lady living on her own and that her sister married a Marine and they had a child named Marie (our daughter's middle name). She goes on to say that Marie is now in her custody after the Marine husband (me, sort of) was killed in Afghanistan and the mother (her IRL single sister with no kidsv Jacqui) was killed in a car wreck and Marie was now my wife's responsibility.
Hundreds of people called in and offered to help, many of which owned business and wanted to offer things like baby supplies or completely furnishing a nursery for her. Literally thousands of people had heard this bullsh*t fabricated story, including some of my coworkers. It was the radio station she was on the phone with and they were asking her to provide death certificates and a birth certificate for Marie, which is why I was shoo'd away.
#36I endured a physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationship for over six years with my first wife, four of which we were married. There were many, many instances that should have caused our marriage's demise.
The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, though, was eight days after I had major oral surgery. Due to a freak medical occurrence, I had to have 28 teeth cut out and two holes drilled into my sinus cavities from top of the back of my gums.
She and I were in a grocery store parking lot, and I asked her not to start an argument in the store because it's a small town and I was so tired of being 'those people'. Her reaction was to backhand me in the mouth. Six times.
Or at least I counted six times because I'm pretty damn sure I lost consciousness. I just remember waking up when we were pulling into our driveway while she's freaking out because my face is against the window and blood is coming from my mouth like a fountain.
#37she made me watch Oprah and there was a quiz. Is Your Marriage Okay or not type thing. In my head I saw 7 or 10 items that were Not Okay. She didn't see any. We had already been to counseling.
#38I was a Lance Corporal bringing home scraps for a paycheck to an unemployed wife who one day brought home a brand new Lexus IS350 because she "got a good deal on it." Apparently I was supposed to pay the $800/mo bill. I didn't think it was a good deal.
#39I found out she cheated on me, and upon me confronting her to discuss it, she manipulated me into thinking she was suicidal. Then she admitted the manipulation. DONE. She may have once been a nice person, that's all gone now.
#40When my stepdaughter became a teenager, my ex ramped up the nutso. She had always been an impatient, angry screamer of a parent. But as my stepdaugher became a young woman, my ex just went crazy with envy or something. I know lots of moms have a hard time with teenage daughters, but their base level patience is so much better than my ex's was. Threats of cutting hair in middle of night while daughter slept, pulling hair, slapping face, ridiculing in front of her friends, swinging something that missed and put a hole in the wall - I was out, with the kids.
#41I left for work at 6am and forgot to unplug the toaster. When I arrived home at 6pm, I was given the "everything you've ever done to piss me off speech" just for leaving the toaster plugged in. I asked her what she did all day that prevented her from unplugging it herself. Another "I'm an as*hole" speech. I said something to the effect of quit acting like your f*cking mother. She threw the cat at me. A cat. She threw a f*cking cat at me.
Image credits: Outlaw0311
#42When I realized I didn't get along very well with her boyfriend.
#43When i found the letter between her and my friend about their affair and how she couldn't wait to be away from me so they could be together..... yup... i knew then, that it was time to get that divorce
#44We had a trial separation and lived apart for a month.
During this time I vented off some of my frustrations to one of my best friends.
Come to find out said friend was f*cking my wife behind my back. They both attempted to manipulate my emotions so that I wouldn't think anything suspicious, but goddamn my intuition always had my back. Always trust your gut folks. Even when your head isn't where it should be.
#45When she posted on Facebook about an argument we had, and her friends gave her advice on how to get back at me, including but not limited to; poisoning me, hitting me in the face while I'm asleep, and cutting my brake lines. All of these comments were met with laughter and emojis on her part.
#46I'd found evidence of potential cheating. Despite this I still was willing to work on things.
I confronted her about her feelings towards me (not the cheating). When I point blank asked her if she was interested in counseling or trying to work things out she said no. That was the first time, it would have been better to have stuck with it.
There was a tumultuous time after that where we flip flopped and were trying to work things out (sorta, she complicated things). I had broached the cheating with her and we made rules during our maintenance period. One of which was that she was no longer to have contact with her friend she was cheating with.
I ended up finding out that she was still Facebook friends with him. When I calmly explained why this would hurt me she turned it around that I was the bad guy. I started living with a friend at this point.
During my drunken half sobbing tirade where I explained everything to him I finally realized that I don't WANT to be with this woman anymore. She doesn't love, respect, or care for me at all, and I deserve those things.
Moved out, moved on and have since found a wonderful woman that I will marry in April. Even though I figured I would never get married again.
#47When she cried poor to me over the $100 she needed to cover going to NYC so she could see friend she hadn't seen in months. She went from not going because it wasn't worth the money to walking gleefully out the door when I handed her the $100. As I was laying in bed I wondered why she had no money... I checked her favorite clothing store history. She was averaging spending 75% of her income on clothes and makeup. Everything fell into place for me that day. I filed after the money scavenger hunt turned up she had a Boyfriend too.
#48When she admitted to cheating on me with a coworker. This was the second time. First time was with a bunch of Internet strangers, albeit at separate times. You could make the case that the second time was the 2nd dude, but I'm talking about 2nd admittance. But I digress...
At that point, it wasn't so much me asking her as it was me getting the f*ck out of Dodge.
#49When she informed me she was cheating on me and leaving me for that guy. k
That guy was engaged. Not to her. Oddly enough he did not break off his engagement...
#50Not divorced yet. Haven't fully decided it's time, but I think it's close.
And my straw was when, during one of her every-three-month epic melt-downs, she said, "I fantasize about you just finding another girl and sleeping with her so I'll know it's over. It would be the worst thing you could ever do to me."
#51After all the arguments, yelling at each other and talking in cross purposes we were looking at each other and she says to me, "I know that you are going to divorce me because of this but I really hate you". It was the first time in a long time that I completely understood her and what she was trying to express to me. My daughter was 3 at the time ad over the years she said she wanted me back but I would say, all you have to do is apologize for what you said. She never would. That's how I knew she didn't love me.
#52There were many reasons but this was the final straw. My grandmother was on her death bed. My Ex took this time to throw a childish fit because I ordered food that she didn't like. I realised at that point how completely miserable I was and how f*cking short life is. So we divorced, she took all my money and my kids (+childsupportl). I've still never been happier and everytime I have to interact with her is blows my mind that we made it 9 years. I guess when we were together I was so trained to comply and overlook. I now see what an absolute toxic bully she is/was.
#5315 years in, and I find texts on her phone. Completely blindsided... No clue she had it in her to cheat. Told me it was just texting. Begged for forgiveness. I caved. A month later, checked the phone bill to find that it never stopped. Confronted her again... Cue more begging and more denial on my part that she would let the life we had built go down in flames. This went on for a few months. So many promises. One night, I caught her on the phone when she thought I had left. Suddenly it's not just texts. Sometimes it was phone calls too... Just a friend she could talk to that she let things go too far with. Promised to break all contact. Swore it was never physical. Then I found emails. She detailed things that made me sick to read... But also included descriptions of his house. She broke finally, but swore it was all just in the line of duty. That's how she met, you see? Visiting nurse service, and this guy was a client. Promised she was done. Loved me, you see? No chance she was going to let 15 years go like that. I wasn't buying it anymore though. She announced she was going out one night with a work friend. Promised they were only going to the bar, then she'd be home. Maybe late, but not too late. She had taken over her own phone account by then, but wasn't bright enough to understand that Google Latitude was still showing me where she was, and I wasn't about to show my hand. She kissed me goodbye and bee-lined right for his house, and was there until the wee hours of the morning. Once I knew where she had headed, I called her dad and my best friend to keep me from doing anything dumb. I will love them both forever for keeping me calm while my world went f*cking insane all around me. My father in law offered to stay with the kids and wait for her to get home. Around 3am, while couch surfing my buddy's place, she sent me a nasty text asking where the f*ck I thought I was. I texted her a screenshot of her little GPS dot at her boyfriend's and let her know I'd be sending her some paperwork soon.
#54When we had a much needed family trip planned to Mexico and due to a fight the week before, she told me she didn't want me to come on the trip, and took my 2 daughters and her mother for a week.
She was a stay at home I mom so I paid for the whole trip months before.
As soon as I knew the plane left on time, I marched into a lawyer's office. I served her the papers the day after they got back home.
#55When she said that if I ever did anything that she didn't like she would just divorce me, because I was her first real relationship. We had been married for 6 years, and were both in our mid-30's. I loved her, but that was the moment i realized that she didn't know what marriage meant. When I was laid off a few months later, she asked for a divorce and I agreed. Now I have the best job of my life, have lost 50 pounds, and met a lovely lady. Meanwhile she has been dumped multiple times, is still single and has gained weight because she is miserable. I hope she finds some happiness soon though.
#56I was at work and got a call from my grandparents that she had shot our dog, Zoey, that was laying on the bed with her.
We were separated before that for other reasons, but that's when I ponied up a few grand and went to an attorney to file.
I really miss her. The dog, I mean.
#57Ex-wife and I were already on a trial separation, but honestly had hoped we would get it worked out. My daughter and I moved into my parents house while we figured things out, and Christmas day rolls around and she shows up to give her presents to everyone and leaves. Just really hit me that she couldn't even stick around on Christmas day because she had more important things to do, that this wasn't going to work. Honestly the only time as a grown man that I've ever cried.
#58My ex was one hell of a disaster. Yet I stood up by her and tried to work with the hand I had been dealt, so to speak, because she was my wife.
I discovered she was cheating on me. I expelled her from my house. As the rage subsided, we started talking again. I convinced her to move back in and we agreed, as she had suggested when I first confronted her, to go to therapy together. She promised to never contact the guy again.
Five months later, as I am finally facing the fact that she lies to me constantly and about all kinds of things (besides the usual "not putting up with her share of the effort", "expecting me to foot the bill on everything", "not sharing stuff she should be sharing with her husband", etc.), I discover she's talking to the guy again. So, she keeps cheating and I don't trust her word one bit? I'm done here.
Now, we had a kid together, and this was in late november... so I chose to extend my misery for seven more weeks, so I wouldn't ruin my son's Christmas. I counted the days until a Jan 15th, when I kicked her out for good. Those weeks weren't that difficult, actually, because she had made me miserable for years, and this period at least had a clear ending date.
Divorced now, and still bitter about all the wasted years with that undeserving bitch.
#59She required a much more varied selection of d*cks than I was able to provide, so she went out and acquired them herself while I was stationed overseas in the Air Force.
#60She said she knew it would never last when I started looking at houses "out in the sticks" (20 minutes from a major city) when she could only live in the middle of a city. She actually cited the distance to Starbucks as a determining factor as to where we should live.
I knew it wasn't fair to either of us when I realized that the only time I thought about her in a positive way was when we were drinking or f*cking.
#61Preface: we were doing a trial separation. She moved into the spare bedroom of our apartment. "Divorce" had been thrown around but we still spent time together and slept together. I wasn't seriously considering divorce, but rather counseling, etc.
Up until the day I came home from work at the same time I came home every day and she was in her room being f*cked by some random guy she met on Tinder. She had not told him she was married. I kicked him out of the apartment and made it clear to her I would be moving out as soon as possible.
#62Was told to sit down. After sitting down, was told her "friend" who frequently visits and brings her 5-year-old daughter, is really her daughter and grand daughter. This, after a long discussion about not being able to have kids, which really meant "I don't want any more kids" and my thoughts and feelings about having kids can f*ck the f*ck off.
#63dunno, mighta been when the doctor told me i had a STI, and i hadn't had sex with anyone apart from her for many years and was completely clean of disease beforehand. oh yeah, and a couple weeks later when that pregnancy test came back positive and we'd been using condoms since the baby was born. a bit of a clue, anyway.
#64Sometimes when my ex and I used to fight, she would decide that she wasn't going to go to some function or honor plans we had previously made. (sometimes very last minute, like hanging out with friends, dinner with my family etc.) For example, we got into some argument and she decided to not go to my only sisters wedding (btw the wedding was that day)... A year later, she did the same thing during a fight. She threatened me again, telling me that she decided to not go with me to Texas for a reunion with some of the guys I served in the Marines with. I didn't fight it this time and just said OK. Several days later she tried to reneg on her threat and actually tried to turn it around on me. Saying how mean i was for not wanting her to come with me. I told her that I was actually relieved that she wasn't going. I could hang out with my friends that I hadn't seen since I got out and it would be nice to not have to worry about her crazy, insecure drama.
That realization, that I was going to be happier without her was the moment I knew we were done.
#65When I found evidence of the last affair. As soon as I heard it, I knew that was the end, and there would never be anything else there.
#66Finding her, on Christmas Eve, still sexting a co-worker whom she claimed she was no longer in contact with (having been busted sexting him previously, also). I cleared out of there like a blackjack dealer.
#67That would be the moment I walked in from work to find my wife sitting at the kitchen table crying and our two children (5 and 2 at the time) no where to be found.
I immediately thought something had happened to the kids. When I asked what was wrong, where are the kids? She said "They are fine. They are upstairs playing. I just realized that when we die the kids and I are all going to be in heaven and you won't be there with us".
Context: we were both raised in religious families but through-out college neither of us practiced at all. After college I began migrating toward my ultimate destination as an atheist. She found god and was reborn.
#68For my (step)dad -- when he found her calculations about how much she would get in child support and alimony in a divorce. She wasn't home at the time. He had the locks changed on his doors first thing, then shut her out of their shared accounts.
#69The morning I saw a picture of some dudes d*ck on her phone. She was classy enough to bring him to the divorce proceedings...
#70I made dinner and baked a chocolate cake for her birthday. She came home that night weeping about her problems: work is rough, her friends are all jerks, her parents are this and that is that, etc. I consoled her as I had every night for the past three years and tried to convince her to eat. She proceeded to lecture me on words to say to properly comfort her.
"When a girl says blah, you are supposed to say blah blah blah...."
And in that instant I just ran out of f*cks. It's like the needle has been on "E" for a while now, and the "low f*cks" indicator has been on for months, and now the last fumes of f*cks have finally been used up. I packed up all my sh*t into my car, grabbed the cat and left.
I realize it's not the dramatic explosive end like most of these stories, nor does it paint me in the best light, but sometimes these things just sputter and die.
#71She started working at a job with people that were closer to her age (25 - 30) instead of a job where her coworkers were in their late 40s - early 50s. She wanted to go out and hang out with them rather than come home and be with her family [myself and our at the time 2 year old daughter and a god forsaken cat that she just had to have]. There were a lot of other little things that added up over time, mainly her desire to drink and drive [without our daughter in the car thankfully] and 4 days a week of not coming home until 2 or 3 in the morning and not telling a soul where she was or what she was doing. After a month of that, she said she wanted a divorce. I fought it with everything I had for 3 months.
Decided to go to counseling, where the counselor asked her "Ex-Wife, in your mind in this marriage already over?" After a literal 5 minute silence, I had the answer I needed. Separated a week later and divorced a year later.
We're still civil for our daughter's sake. But I will say that after the initial shock of actually going through a divorce after us both proclaiming to do whatever it takes and never getting a divorce, I will say I'm much happier now. I was able to save up and buy a house for my daughter and I, which I never would have been able to do had I stayed married.
#72I was standing next to one of my best friends waiting for the ski lift to start up when his brand new wife leaned over and said "of course it's broken if their mechanic is a Mexican." The shock in his face leads me to believe that's the moment he knew they would divorce in a few months.
#73Went to my grandpas funeral, Disneyland after the service, flights and board were paid for by my father. She was the most ungrateful unsupportive whiny bitch the whole weekend I couldn't believe it. My little sister said my entire family didn't like her or her attitude and was constantly asking why she was there, that really sank in and at that moment I knew we were done. Don't keep her around if your family can't stand her, they prolly don't like her for good reason.
#74Made an account for this. When I saw her texts to the person she was having an affair with, and they were making fun of me. I actually regret the divorce to be honest, she accused me of stuff I didn't do and I can't see my kid anymore. He was too young to remember me, and I'm sure she isn't giving him a glowing opinion about me. I don't think he will ever want to know his old man.
#75Months of no sex, secretly seeing someone "as a friend" at her night job, going to stay the night at his house over the weekend, and finally, finding her saying she loves him in an instant messenger text.
Also, forgetting my f'ing birthday.
This was less than 90 days in.
#76I caught my wife being unfaithful, even though we had a very active sex life (we had sex 5-7 times a week.) That was it. Once a cheater always a cheater. I filed a week later. There are no second chances when it comes to infidelity in my book, it is one act that shows the most blatant disregard for your spouse. If you are gonna cheat, then grow a pair and tell your spouse first, or get f*cked.
#77I was working 6-7 days a week 10-12 hours a day and she called me lazy. She screaming in my face and telling me I was a bad Father as she demolished my sons room.
#78My neighbor's wife screaming "Putana!" downstairs after she caught my bride and her husband f*cking in front of the fireplace.
#79Saturday before Easter of this year she came at me with her desire to go to Germany and see "friends" that would pay for her round trip there and back. We got into an argument about it. I voiced my suspicion that something more was going on. We didn't speak Sunday. Then Monday rolls around and she tells me she's done. So I get home early, look around on her laptop and find chats between her and her German girlfriend. (I invade her privacy because she had cheated before) She had been planning on divorcing me since November last year. So I call her at work and tell her to pack her sh*t and get out.
I feel so much better not having the trust issues with her but this whole ordeal is wreaking havoc on my three children.
#80When my buddies approached me to complain that she kept sitting on their laps, wiggling, and hoping for an erection.
#81When she physically attacked me in front of our then-11-y-o son.
I'd been pondering the idea for a while. That was the clincher.
#82My son picked out the perfect Christmas present for her. Adult coloring books in all her favorite themes. Obsessed for hours on the right ones to get her. He loved to color and she would only do things with him that she liked doing, which included coloring. After we opened presets, she asked what he wanted to do. It was the few hours of a weekend when he got to actually spend time with her. He's behind excited. He said he wanted to color with her. Got super excited when she said yes. So they go and start getting things out and she says go get your coloring books. He says I want to work on a picture together in your book. She says no, that is mine. Get yours. Crocodile tears. Biggest I have ever seen. He lost it. And she didn't. Change. Her. Mind. Still wouldn't let her 6 year old touch her coloring book. Done.
#83The day she sold 'her' refrigerator after I had just put $70 worth of food inside it. I still thought we could figure things out maybe until I came home with ice and a cooler and my son told me she barged in his room and stole his xbox.
#84She went to vegas for a girls trip. Called me up and said she was going to see a dude she knew in Texas. I said umm what? I told her no she said she was already on her way. She stayed there for 2 weeks and made up the most insane justifications as to why. This is about 2 months after I bought her tits. She left everything. Clothes, purses, shoes, both dogs that she adored, she did steal my Xbox tho. I don't know what I did that was so awful I never got a decent answer out of her.
#85When she moved out while I was camping with 2 of our sons and there was no discussion of whether her leaving was permanent or potentially temporary in her view.
#86My best friend was in Air Force stationed in South Korea and got married right before he left. After about 6 months he flies her out to visit. 1st night she was there she would go outside to smoke more and more. She left her phone and he looked at it when someone texted her. She was texting 2 guys on base asking "do you want to fu$& me when my husband goes to work?" He got out of doge when she went home. Turns out she was cheating on him the whole time he was gone and was going to text him she wanted a divorce anyway.
#87When I came to the realization that I was the as*hole.
For those that are curious. I'm an emotionally detached Alcoholic Veteran. I don't drink anymore. Still an as*hole though
#88I worked, she played. She woke me up in the middle of the night to grab the extra blanket off the bed. I expected to find her disgruntled on the couch alone the next morning. I found her in the guest bed with another woman- both naked. No forewarnings or clue-ins. Just despondent betrayal.
I woke her for answers and got a whole lot of mumbles. Decided to split for "space".
That weekend we both ended up at the same bar on the same dance floor. I thought she'd followed me there to make amends. She'd brought the same girl and completely ignored me when I called out to her. When I walked up to her she pretended I was a stranger...I told her I'm not going to play any games and didn't know what was going on. She said she didn't want to be married. I gave her the ring back and went to tell my friends goodbye that night. I didn't want to tell them why, I felt so embarrassed.
She saw me talking to my friends and decided to make out in front of us with her new woman directly on the dance floor eight feet away from where I stood while everyone stared.
Looking back now I realize she probably was scared to come out. I can give her credit for that. But she was an awful person for the way she did it and for never having the courage to say to my face whatever she was feeling. I thought we were best friends. I thought we were going to be together forever... She asked me to marry her.
Now I'm just grateful for not being with a liar and a coward. I've made a fresh start. Sold everything. Traded my entire wardrobe and style to feel like I'm in a new life. Sure, I've lost more money than I ever thought imaginable. And the dog... I just keep optimistic that I'll find someone who deserves my time. I don't focus on the past and I have faith in God and the future.
Whoever I marry next will be grateful for a man like me and loyal. But until then I'm gonna enjoy the single life again and just play.
#89I think I'm in the process of realising it's time to call it a day. I love her but we seem to have vastly different ideas on the best way to live (ie money, lifestyles). And it's thoroughly disheartening being the one trying to make an effort all the time.
#90For the first one: I was working late and the daycare calls and ask if I'm picking up my kids. Left work to go get them, when I got home she was gone. Didn't hear anything from her for 2 weeks.
For the second one: the third time I bailed the house out of foreclosure because she wouldn't pay the bills. Even though there was money in the accounts to cover it. I closed the account, handed her cash for the mortgage packed a bag my kids and left.